Reminiscence~

She do always respect him and care for him.
Because,
* he's older than her.
* they've the same blood flowing
* and because they are one family.

Since young, their parents did a lot for them.
Give them the best, especially towards him.
At the back, whenever he got a hurdle,
he don't approach and tell them.
However, in the end they found out.

Deep in their heart, does he know how they feel and think?
How hurt they are when he should approach them but he did not.
Time and time again, they feel hurt and talk to each other about it.
Most of the time, she is always there.
Listening to their problem and their thoughts.
But does he ever know that?

Every time when he face a hurdle,
and wanted them to leave him alone.
She was with them, looking at their sad and disappointed face.
in their mind, what they are thinking.
"is it that i did not taught him well?"
"what have happen that turn him to be like this"

Looking at her parents, she feel that she should be more understanding.
She tell herself that, no matter what she will not be like him.
She will stand by their side no matter what happen.
Until now, no matter how hurt he have done to her, she still continue to stand them.
Alone and accompanying them.

In her mind, she say to herself,
"Because you are my brother, you're the guy and no matter what, you will be the first and i should always give in to you."

But time and time again, he have hurt her deeply.
From the start of his university application,
he did not fulfill what he has promise.
He BROKE that promise he have to her.

Always being so self-centered, thinking of himself and not the family.
Or maybe yes he do, only towards his parents.
To her, she feel that he only care more about himself.
When he need something, he will come back.
When he has it, he will turn around and go the other way.

Yes, no doubt that at times he does care about her.
Buying her birthday present and all, but all these does not mean the hurt is not that.
They never have a chance to compromise.
It was never fair for her.

She have tolerated it for month since he's back for holiday.
But up till now she already cannot take it any longer.
She break down. Does he know? No he don't.
The excuses that he always use was,
"I'm leaving already, you can use all you want after that"

But that's not the point that she want to bring it across.
She just want things to be fair.
At least, let her use it when she is in need.
She don't mind to suffer a bit.
Because she can take it.
But he don't understand.
All he think was himself.

They don't want to scold him, because they can't bear to.
They know he have grown up. But not yet that independent.
Does he even know, how sad when they always see him coming home so late?
How painful they feel when they see his health deteriorate.
Does he know how much family time they want with him, but they only get so little.
Does he know how much they want him to understand.
Does he?

Now that he's leaving soon, but the time they spend together was so little.
She being the youngest in the family, have to let him do whatever he want.
Give him whatever she have. She know that life's unfair.
Although they are fair to both of them.
But deep down, from the day she was born up till now,
Deep in her heart, she always know, He will always be the first in mind.
Be it from family or relative. Because he's the guy from the family.
She only have to tolerate and give in.
And years from now, she will still have to continue leading this kind of life.
until one day, when she move out and continue her life elsewhere.
That's because she is the only girl.

Everyone have their own life that they lead.
Everyone have their own problem in life.
Everyone wants to have a better life.

She only wish that one day he will understand.