i blame myself for it.
juggling my mind and thoughts.
everything seems fallen apart for me.
or maybe it's just me.
i can't stop it.
i find no reason for myself to be happy.
but i'm still finding reason to be happy.
i regretted not going in to see her for the last time.
i regretted not visiting her in the past few years.
but rip great-grandmum.
i can't face myself, face the others.
i know i'm not being myself.
it may just seems that, everything is fallen apart.
people drift away from one another.
sometimes, the little things that your say,
although it was just a remark, it make a big impact.
i know it myself that it maybe a joke.
but at times, i really am not able to take it.
the things and stuff that your say,
it clearly reflects on me.
maybe in the first place, i should be the one that is out.
i don't know. i don't know how to handle all this relationship again.
i'm tired. i'm scare. i fear. but i still act a strong front.
i know at times, the stuff that your say was just for fun.
but maybe i just take it too seriously.
guess i was just lousy and not able to handle all these.
all along, i'm just alone.
i don't know who to turn to already.
maybe i was the one that acted weird.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
intheworld
It was never easy to go through the 'down period'
As day pass by, we asked ourself what we have achieve.
Looking back into the past.
I had a dream, a dream that reminds me of the past.
'Reminiscence'
Till today, i had not finish using the things that you gave me.
I'm still looking at it everyday.
But the past always remain as memories.
'Memories'
I believes in everyone heart, there is always some memories that stay with them throughout their lives.
We all know that it was hard to let go at times.
However, the world is still making his turn,
the time is still going towards the future.
Indicating that we should move on.
After all that have happen in my life since i'm sensible.
The little details kept in my heart.
Keeping it as my memories.
It's memories because i'ad already move on with my life.
My closest kin, my brother flew off back to Perth today.
Wonder when will he come back.
But no matter what unhappy stuff we had, it doesn't matter.
I will still wish him safe and study hard over there.
Don't make our parents worry. (:
I understand one point
"no matter where they are,
no matter what happen to you,
no matter how far or close they are,
they'do always care and love you.
because they are someone you will care always and vice-versa"
I'm off to study.
The last lap of my poly life.
But will also mean the beginning of another phrase in life. (:
As day pass by, we asked ourself what we have achieve.
Looking back into the past.
I had a dream, a dream that reminds me of the past.
'Reminiscence'
Till today, i had not finish using the things that you gave me.
I'm still looking at it everyday.
But the past always remain as memories.
'Memories'
I believes in everyone heart, there is always some memories that stay with them throughout their lives.
We all know that it was hard to let go at times.
However, the world is still making his turn,
the time is still going towards the future.
Indicating that we should move on.
After all that have happen in my life since i'm sensible.
The little details kept in my heart.
Keeping it as my memories.
It's memories because i'ad already move on with my life.
My closest kin, my brother flew off back to Perth today.
Wonder when will he come back.
But no matter what unhappy stuff we had, it doesn't matter.
I will still wish him safe and study hard over there.
Don't make our parents worry. (:
I understand one point
"no matter where they are,
no matter what happen to you,
no matter how far or close they are,
they'do always care and love you.
because they are someone you will care always and vice-versa"
I'm off to study.
The last lap of my poly life.
But will also mean the beginning of another phrase in life. (:
Saturday, February 20, 2010
She do always respect him and care for him.
Because,
* he's older than her.
* they've the same blood flowing
* and because they are one family.
Since young, their parents did a lot for them.
Give them the best, especially towards him.
At the back, whenever he got a hurdle,
he don't approach and tell them.
However, in the end they found out.
Deep in their heart, does he know how they feel and think?
How hurt they are when he should approach them but he did not.
Time and time again, they feel hurt and talk to each other about it.
Most of the time, she is always there.
Listening to their problem and their thoughts.
But does he ever know that?
Every time when he face a hurdle,
and wanted them to leave him alone.
She was with them, looking at their sad and disappointed face.
in their mind, what they are thinking.
"is it that i did not taught him well?"
"what have happen that turn him to be like this"
Looking at her parents, she feel that she should be more understanding.
She tell herself that, no matter what she will not be like him.
She will stand by their side no matter what happen.
Until now, no matter how hurt he have done to her, she still continue to stand them.
Alone and accompanying them.
In her mind, she say to herself,
"Because you are my brother, you're the guy and no matter what, you will be the first and i should always give in to you."
But time and time again, he have hurt her deeply.
From the start of his university application,
he did not fulfill what he has promise.
He BROKE that promise he have to her.
Always being so self-centered, thinking of himself and not the family.
Or maybe yes he do, only towards his parents.
To her, she feel that he only care more about himself.
When he need something, he will come back.
When he has it, he will turn around and go the other way.
Yes, no doubt that at times he does care about her.
Buying her birthday present and all, but all these does not mean the hurt is not that.
They never have a chance to compromise.
It was never fair for her.
She have tolerated it for month since he's back for holiday.
But up till now she already cannot take it any longer.
She break down. Does he know? No he don't.
The excuses that he always use was,
"I'm leaving already, you can use all you want after that"
But that's not the point that she want to bring it across.
She just want things to be fair.
At least, let her use it when she is in need.
She don't mind to suffer a bit.
Because she can take it.
But he don't understand.
All he think was himself.
They don't want to scold him, because they can't bear to.
They know he have grown up. But not yet that independent.
Does he even know, how sad when they always see him coming home so late?
How painful they feel when they see his health deteriorate.
Does he know how much family time they want with him, but they only get so little.
Does he know how much they want him to understand.
Does he?
Now that he's leaving soon, but the time they spend together was so little.
She being the youngest in the family, have to let him do whatever he want.
Give him whatever she have. She know that life's unfair.
Although they are fair to both of them.
But deep down, from the day she was born up till now,
Deep in her heart, she always know, He will always be the first in mind.
Be it from family or relative. Because he's the guy from the family.
She only have to tolerate and give in.
And years from now, she will still have to continue leading this kind of life.
until one day, when she move out and continue her life elsewhere.
That's because she is the only girl.
Everyone have their own life that they lead.
Everyone have their own problem in life.
Everyone wants to have a better life.
She only wish that one day he will understand.
Because,
* he's older than her.
* they've the same blood flowing
* and because they are one family.
Since young, their parents did a lot for them.
Give them the best, especially towards him.
At the back, whenever he got a hurdle,
he don't approach and tell them.
However, in the end they found out.
Deep in their heart, does he know how they feel and think?
How hurt they are when he should approach them but he did not.
Time and time again, they feel hurt and talk to each other about it.
Most of the time, she is always there.
Listening to their problem and their thoughts.
But does he ever know that?
Every time when he face a hurdle,
and wanted them to leave him alone.
She was with them, looking at their sad and disappointed face.
in their mind, what they are thinking.
"is it that i did not taught him well?"
"what have happen that turn him to be like this"
Looking at her parents, she feel that she should be more understanding.
She tell herself that, no matter what she will not be like him.
She will stand by their side no matter what happen.
Until now, no matter how hurt he have done to her, she still continue to stand them.
Alone and accompanying them.
In her mind, she say to herself,
"Because you are my brother, you're the guy and no matter what, you will be the first and i should always give in to you."
But time and time again, he have hurt her deeply.
From the start of his university application,
he did not fulfill what he has promise.
He BROKE that promise he have to her.
Always being so self-centered, thinking of himself and not the family.
Or maybe yes he do, only towards his parents.
To her, she feel that he only care more about himself.
When he need something, he will come back.
When he has it, he will turn around and go the other way.
Yes, no doubt that at times he does care about her.
Buying her birthday present and all, but all these does not mean the hurt is not that.
They never have a chance to compromise.
It was never fair for her.
She have tolerated it for month since he's back for holiday.
But up till now she already cannot take it any longer.
She break down. Does he know? No he don't.
The excuses that he always use was,
"I'm leaving already, you can use all you want after that"
But that's not the point that she want to bring it across.
She just want things to be fair.
At least, let her use it when she is in need.
She don't mind to suffer a bit.
Because she can take it.
But he don't understand.
All he think was himself.
They don't want to scold him, because they can't bear to.
They know he have grown up. But not yet that independent.
Does he even know, how sad when they always see him coming home so late?
How painful they feel when they see his health deteriorate.
Does he know how much family time they want with him, but they only get so little.
Does he know how much they want him to understand.
Does he?
Now that he's leaving soon, but the time they spend together was so little.
She being the youngest in the family, have to let him do whatever he want.
Give him whatever she have. She know that life's unfair.
Although they are fair to both of them.
But deep down, from the day she was born up till now,
Deep in her heart, she always know, He will always be the first in mind.
Be it from family or relative. Because he's the guy from the family.
She only have to tolerate and give in.
And years from now, she will still have to continue leading this kind of life.
until one day, when she move out and continue her life elsewhere.
That's because she is the only girl.
Everyone have their own life that they lead.
Everyone have their own problem in life.
Everyone wants to have a better life.
She only wish that one day he will understand.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Give yourself some time to think through what you have done for this whole year.
What is it that you have achieve.
What is it that you have learn.
What is it that you need to change.
What is it that you did not put in your effort.
What is it that you want it to be better.
What is it that you told yourself but yet you did not do it.
Ask yourself.
What is life to you.
What kind of life do you want to lead.
Recently, wisdom of word by friend is flashing through my mind.
"it doesn't matter how many friends you have in your life, but it only matter who will be there when you need them"
"24 hours a day, have you done something meaningful and progressive or just wasting the time of your life off"
"life maybe full of ups and downs, but it's the downs who let us realise that we should treasure the ups and learn from the downs"
"don't let it affect you, but try to ignore and move on"
What is it that you have achieve.
What is it that you have learn.
What is it that you need to change.
What is it that you did not put in your effort.
What is it that you want it to be better.
What is it that you told yourself but yet you did not do it.
Ask yourself.
What is life to you.
What kind of life do you want to lead.
Recently, wisdom of word by friend is flashing through my mind.
"it doesn't matter how many friends you have in your life, but it only matter who will be there when you need them"
"24 hours a day, have you done something meaningful and progressive or just wasting the time of your life off"
"life maybe full of ups and downs, but it's the downs who let us realise that we should treasure the ups and learn from the downs"
"don't let it affect you, but try to ignore and move on"
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