Reminiscence~

i am getting even more and more lazy each day to blog.
maybe there are too much to blog and i am not sure where to start from.
and. i know. alot of pictures not up yet.
i am feeling freaking lazy to upload it. but shall do it. but maybe not today.

this post is super emo and long. it's super wordy. so if you do not want to read this. just press the cross button. its a very irrating topic.cos its getting boring each day. after hearing me saying so much. so leave if you do not want to see this post.

anyway. i know that its already very long. its already 3months going to 4 month.
and i am still bother about it.
for 1 week i didnt talk much about -. but recently. i guess after what gurlaine have told me on that day back home. i realise it and yes i guess i still like -. althought i know. things will not be the same as last time. but suddenly, it just feels wierd that. being friend is also hard.
seeing you around in school. i guess it all started back that day at cheers.
i fcuking do not understand. the moment i saw -, my heart just does not want to listen to me.
i don understand. i thought i already get over it. but i think its still a NO!
and seriously, i HATE myself freaking hell now.
i know i have been saying about him to your so much recently.
and i know its damn bored to always listen about his name.
i cant stand myself also. but things just do not go by your way.
i am already trying very hard. i really need to admit it.
fcuking disappointed and hating myself right now.
can anyone help me? i guess i need to help myself. i need to get over it.

but afterall, i think i just miss the part where we were so close(as friends) and not.
i really treasure my friendship with you. but all are down the drain now.
maybe if we were friends and we do not act awkard or wierd.
i guess it will be easier for me to get over it really soon.
i know that things will not be like that past. where the both of us are good friend.
but at least, talk to me normally or .thats the least i can expect. but i doubt you will.
i know everything is wierd. but. you told me on that very day you said, let's just be friends again.
so let's see, ever since then, we only went out once. and we talk freaking less. it like as if we are stranger. i tried saying hi and all. but you. you just don seems to even dare to look at my eyes when talking. what is wrong.
can you tell me.
i fcuking want to forget you. but this is not the way it should be.
yes. i still wanna be your friend. fcuk fcuk fcuk!